GSE in Trigger*Ed Magazine

We did an interview with Trigger*Ed Magazine at the Explore! Singapore gig a month back.

Click here to read about it.

Motorola Street Style Street Choice Award

GSE is the Motorola Street Choice Award winner for 2006. The award ceremony happened at Zouk on 15 December 2006, the night before I left for Thailand. It was a huge surprise to the band that we won the overall popularity award. Thank you so much to everyone who voted for us. Thank you. It was a magical moment for us and we would like to share the joy with the other nominees, especially the nominees from the music category, like Astreal and Tiramisu.

Koh Samui

The weather at Koh Samui was bad. It was cloudy in the day and chilly in the night. When we got back on Christmas Eve, Aunty Carol asked us about the flood in Koh Samui and it appparently happened the day after we left that place for Bangkok. We stayed at this nice Balinese-styled beach-front resort called Al's Resort. The place is well-maintained and is located in the middle of Chaweng Beach. Most importantly, it was clean. It gave us the comfort we needed after the rough boat ride from Koh Phangan. Chaweng Beach is the most developed area in Koh Samui, where you can find a concentration of vendors and shops. If you need your urban fix, there is Burger King, Starbucks, Swenson's and even Pizza Hut. The one thing about Koh Samui is that there is no metered taxis or transport you can take on the island so it is really up to the driver how much he thinks his ride is worth. There is the songtaew, a dark red, covered pick-up which hoots its horn about every 10 meters. Prices can vary depending on the mood of the driver. We only took a taxi to the Samui Airport on our last day. We walked the whole time we were at Chaweng.

Bangkok.Bangkok.

5 days in Bangkok and a whole load of shopping damage done. We covered all the usual areas. Our third time here together helped us to be focused in our planning of our time rather usefully. We stayed at Baiyoke Sky Hotel this time and got a king suite room. It was wicked. A huge living and dining room to hold our countless shopping bags. But I can't say much about the service though. We got together with Gene and Oh, the guys from Futon on our last night and partied at this place in RCA, called Club Astra. It was their 'Electro Night'. It is a pity we did not get to meet the drummer, Simon, who is formally from Suede. So... sorry Mike, didn't manage to get the autograph you wanted.

Koh Phangan

The weather on the second day is so much better, with the sun shining fiercely. The beach was filled with sun worshippers. Infront of our hut is a hammock, which I have never used in my life. I tried it and the feeling is just awesome. Here in Koh Phangan, we stayed at Phangan Bayshore, Haad Rin, where you can find great, friendly staff, a cute little dog, whom I miss dearly, and a crazy, angry boss. The air-con in our room didn't work on our third night. We had to sleep on the hammock and feed ourselves to the commando mosquitoes. I got bitten badly on my hands and Khai had his fair share on his feet. We asked for a change of room but the key press was locked. The poor guy could only helplessly looked at us and kept saying, 'sorry'. Khai borrowed the guy's acoustic guitar and serenaded me to sleep. What a night.

People only started to come in to Koh Phangan on our second day. I did foot massage last night. It was done traditionally, with the wooden stick and all. I like it. Khai did his usual Thai traditional massage. We watched 'Borat' and 'Team America' at this restaurant which serves wicked banana milkshake. Right now, he is undergoing his reiki and chakra balancing treatment at this cool massage school we found at Sunset Beach. They offer courses in the different massage techniques as well as reiki healing. If I could stick around longer, I would go for the 30 hours course.

Our four days in Koh Phangan ended with us, attending their Black Moon Party, in the jungle of nowhere, at Bann Tai. It was like Zoukout all over again. We only got there at about 1am in the morning, after a long, dark, bumpy ride from Haad Rin, all the way to Bann Tai.

Day 1 @ Koh Phangan

Koh Phangan Finally!! Weather here is cool, not much sun though. It can get rather chilly. The weather is pretty much the same, the past 2 days in Bangkok. Arrived here from Koh Samui in the morning. Now the place is slowly coming alive and they were showing 'Borat" at this restaurant we walked past just now. Will update soon. xoxo..

Bangkok/Koh Phangan

Going away for another well-deserved holidays. Woowee! Most exclaimed, "Mag! Bangkok again?!!" Oh well.. I just can't enough of the retail therapy and the yummy Thai Iced tea at Bangkok and it will be my first time at Koh Phagnan. Hmm.. that reminds me. I have yet to update the pics I took at Bali. They are taking up way too much space in my camera. So.. if I can get hold of a computer there, I will update. To everyone out there, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! =)

Muse in Singapore (16 Jan 2007)

Muse is coming to Singapore for a one-night only concert at Fort Canning.

Sounding different in their new album, 'Black Holes and Revelations'.

Something worth checking out will be Matthew Bellamy's arpeggiated guitar. A chaos pad on the guitar? Hmm..
Have you bought your ticket yet?

The invites are coming to your mailbox soon, my friends.

Proudly brought to you by rumballsnpeaches. =)

Oh wee.. We are going to have a partee!

Funding for SXSW in March

GSE has been invited to play at SXSW, one of America's biggest music festival, in Austin, Texas in March 2007, together with Electrico. The band is extremely excited and is really looking forward to playing to an international crowd. However, funding is an issue.

There is an article on The Straits Time Interactive (2 December 2006): Building a buzz about Singapore's pop culture, which mentioned us. Though it is a small paragraph of 39 words out of a whole long article on the local music and film industry, I hope it catches the attention of potential sponsors:

"Electrico and The Great Spy Experiment, for example, have secured spots next year to play at South By Southwest, one of America's biggest music festivals in Austin, Texas. But getting the money to go there is now a problem."

She is The One.

She is the one who inspired me to draw;

the way she glides the drawing pencil along the paper,

the way she transforms a blank paper to a piece of art.

She is the one who taught me the element of texture;

how I can't stop touching everything I see.

She is the one who gave me her aesthetic gift;

the quirky perspective to seeing things.

She is the one who sat next to my hospital bed patiently while I did my treatment when I was ill.

She is the one who boils the best birdnest soup ever.

She is the one.

In so many ways.

She is the one.

Happy birthday, mummy.

Onitsuka Tiger shoe shopping spree

Yes. That's right. Sweetie and I bought 5 pairs of Onitsuka Tiger shoes at one go. Put two shoe fanatics together, this is what you get. Every woman's dream: a guy who loves his shoes as much as she does. Hee.

ZoukOut 2006

Zoukout was madness. Our set was at midnight. Killing time between soundcheck in the afternoon and the actual set was a bunch of bored people playing insane games and laughing like hyenas. The set wasn't something the band is really proud of but it is the experience that we sought and it is worth every second of it. Churning down chicken wings, hotdogs and pizzas at the beach, walking to and fro the different arenas. Party ended at 6am in the morning. It was just insane. Right now, I am still recovering from that insane night.

I heart The All-American Rejects

The All-American Rejects is the band of the moment for me. When I first heard this song some time back, I had it stuck in my head. The piano intro is brilliant. I saw the music video on MTV a while ago and without fail, I sang aloud, shamelessly, on top of my lungs, to this song. I love the bass guitar Tyson Ritter used in the video. I love his voice. Sigh... Keke.. It haunts me right now. So I decided to log on and I just have to post the lyrics. I love the video. Go check it out on youtube.

The All-American Rejects' "It Ends Tonight"

Your subtleties

They strangle me

I can't explain myself at all.

And all the wants

And all the needs

All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing

My mind's unweaving

Maybe it's best you leave me alone.

A weight is lifted

On this evening

I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,

It ends tonight

It ends tonight.

A falling star

Least I fall alone.

I can't explain what you can't explain.

You're finding things that you didn't know

I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing

My mind's unweaving

Maybe it's best you leave me alone.

A weight is lifted

On this evening

I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light

It ends tonight,

It ends tonight.

Just a little insight won't make this right

It's too late to fight

It ends tonight,It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side

It's better than being on your side

It's my fault when you're blind

It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside

Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light

It ends tonight,

It ends tonight

.Just a little insight won't make this right

It's too late to fightIt ends tonight,

It ends

When darkness turns to light

It ends tonight,It ends tonight.

Just a little insight won't make this right

It's too late to fight

It ends tonight,It ends tonight.

TonightInsight

When darkness turns to light,

It ends tonight.

GSE does Zoukout 2006

Come catch us at Zoukout 2006, Siloso Beach, Sentosa this Saturday, 09 December 2006. Other lineup bands inlcude Electrico, Astreal, Futons, Plain Sunset and Stars don't fall. And of course, not forgetting, the international acts. Woohoo... It is going to be such a riot!

Men vs Women

A recent meeting with friends spurs the writing spree on this topic of the differences between men and women. It is extremely common to have guys complaining that their girlfriends are making bizarre demands like asking for way too much quality time and infringing on their personal space. One of my guy friends once told me that he broke up with his girl because she was cramping his style.

And of course, it is also common to hear the girls complaining that their boyfriends are meeting up with the boys way too often, hanging out almost every night, wasting their time when they could be out with them, attending to their needs. Half the time, I hear women wishing for an honest man, a man who is truthful and a man who don't tell big, fat lies. To women, honesty is telling "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” To men, truth telling is to tell the truth only if it doesn't make anyone uncomfortable and doesn't cause a conflict.

Me, as someone who sits and listens through the grievances my friends have and eagerly observing what happens around me, I guess the problem is that both individual sexes have ideas of what they think their partner needs which have no basis in reality. And how do they gather these ideas? It is through their upbringing, experiences and the things that surround them but not their partners. Problems simply arise when we expect or assume our partners should think, feel or act the way we do. It’s not that men and women live in completely different realities. Rather, it is the lack of knowledge and mutual experience which give rise to whatever difficulties that arise in the relationship.

I am a love cynic due to experiences and upbringing but I want to be inspired to take on the love journey of no returns. My prince charming came and swept me off my feet when I least expected it. We went through quite abit ourselves. By going through the relation-shits, we built a steadfast foundation for ourselves; a foundation where respect and communication are the two cornerstones. It made us stronger as a team and calmer as an individual. These days, we agree to disagree and to me, that is most ultimate liaison two persons can ever have. If one wants a relationship, it takes work and one needs to stop catastrophizing.

In this fast-paced world, where time is ticking by faster than before (which is a fact), we forget to stop at our feet and appreciate the simple basic pleasure of life, Love. Love is the catalyst that brings two people together. Two individuals who have no knowledge of each other yet willing to see where their liaison might take them.

Don’t figure out with your head whether you both belong together; in fact most often than not, our heads get in the way and mess up things. Our hearts tells us, if we quiet the analysis, and listen to it. So Live Love, don’t analyze it.

3 things that make me smile at this moment:

****vintage buttons****I saw some really interesting ones when I was at People's Park Shopping Centre (Chinatown)

****toddlers with curly hair**** I saw one today, pointed out by Khai when we were having our dinner at Paragon
****blythe dolls****I was so close to buying one when I saw them in London two years back but they were expensive and it was either the maharishi snopants or a blythe doll. I guess I dropped the idea of owning one

BassDay

It's a BassDay.

::

First, it is an afternoon at Sim Lim Square:: the effects pad, The Westfield

::

Second, the viewing of the bass quitars for sale:: Epiphone Thunderbird Bass, Fender Jazz Bass (Mexico)

::

Third, testing the gadgets and the bass guitars

::

:my first lymphoma support group meeting

I went down to the National Cancer Centre yesterday. The last time I was there was 2 months ago. It was wierd that I was breaking out into cold sweat. I am actually scared been in that place.

The informal sharing/ meeting was to try to create a framework where the members or ex-patients in the room, like myself, can give a helping hand by forming a official lymphoma support group which can provide information, advice and emotional support, for people with Lymphoma and their caregivers.

The sharing started out with each of us sharing our individual experience. It was initially rather queer for me. It seems like one of the help group sessions I see in the movies. The ones for junkies, alcoholics or women who were abused by their husbands. There were 5 of us, ex-patients in that room, accompanied by doctors, counsellors and of course, the loving caregivers. We shared our experiences. Some shocked the rest while some found similarities in their struggles, for example employment issues, self-image or nutrition (what to eat and what not to eat). It is evident that cancer can hit anyone. We have a JC1 student in the group, a girl who is still in Uni, an air-force pilot who was accepted by SIA before he was diagnosed, a bubbly banker and me. The age group is a young one and it hits us at the different crucial stages of life.

But one thing for sure is that we kept the faith and held on to the belief that WE WILL BE WELL. The one reason why we are able to sit in that room, hoping to give back to others. We celebrated life in our own individual ways and for that, we know that every bit of fighting spirit we had put into getting well was worth it.

As much as everyone freaks out when they see the big-C word, I think cancer has given me a new perspective on my life. I thought my life was over the day I was told I had cancer but as I progressed with treatment, I found an inner strength I never knew I had. Sometimes I still do get stressed out about silly things but I am able to stop myself now and think just how lucky I am to be alive.

Peaches @ Zouk

When I first recieved the order form for tickets to watch Peaches at Zouk, my heart missed a beat. I am a huge fan of her last two albums and this Canadian electro rocker was here to promote her third album, 'Impeach my bush'. I thought to myself, the one thing that will make 2006 all so sweet and worthwhile. I enjoyed all 90 minutes of her set. During her set, her energy, her change of costumes, her jumping on and off speakers, it was a night to remember for me. It was her dressed and undressed, dressed and undressed. I had a blast. "Girls wanna be her... Boys wanna be her.." Peaches rocks.

KORG X50 music synthesizer

It's the time of the year again. It was around this time when I got my beloved Microkorg. Now this 61-key baby is equipped with dual polyphonic arpeggiator for even more musical enjoyment. 16 categories of sound and weighs only 4.5kg. Definitely easier to carry around during gigs.

GSE is recording

The band is in the process of recording our album right now. Hence, we are accepting fewer gigs due to the tight recording schedule. Juggling work and the long recording hours is seriously a health hazard. Irregular sleeping hours. Less than 5 hours of sleep a day. Irregular meals. Been really ill once, it made me more self-aware when I start to abuse my body and taking it beyond its limits. Things are alittle slower this week. I finally get my full 8 hours of sleep. I am looking forward to playing at Zoukout on December 9 at Sentosa. Can't wait.

Motorola Street Style Music Awards: Vote for us please

The Great Spy Experiment is one of the nominees for the Motorola streetstyle music awards 2006. Please cast us one of your precious votes. Tell everyone you know infact to cast us that vote. Shame on me. Heh. But pretty prease... vote for The Great Spy Experiment. Prease..... Heh.

• Click here -> Motorola streetstyle awards
• Once you are at the site, click on the 'vote' option from the main menu.
• Select 'The Great Spy Experiment' under the Music category.

That's simple, isn't it. Come come. Show us your love.

I is Scientist

Great bands. Great music. At an interesting venue. Come join us at The Singapore Science Centre.

Hotel Fabriken in Sweden

Fabriken
A small, cozy hotel with 17 rooms.

Situated in an abandoned limestone quarry on furillen, a barren island near gotland in sweden.

The serenity.

The wide open space.

I wanna go there. I wanna go there.

keeping a pet is a lifetime commitment

I really want to keep a cat as a pet but I know it is a lifetime commitment.

I am still considering.

I want to make sure that I am ready for that kind of commitment.

To all things pretty

The biggest challenge was to

not let life's unpredictability get me.

But I somehow learnt that

unpredictability can be what makes life so wonderful.

Without this realisation,

everything will and can be exponentially more difficult.

I, now,

embrace possibilities with open arms.

*

*

*I wanna dance among the stars*

*Will you take me there?*

*

*

*smiles*

Women and their shoes

I love Ked's Demon series.

When I grow up, I wanna be a baker

I wanted to be a pastry chef when I was a kid. I love the smell of freshly-baked anything. I want to bake the comforting, delicious, sinful, butter-laden, pretty desserts. I want to bake a work of art. They look so good that you stare at them and can't bear to eat them. A special treat that'll make everyone smile. Can you smelllLLLlllllll it?!!

Missing Person

Dr Yogi Ram

No longer the instructor of my regular yoga classes. The one who inspired me to do my first ever headstand. His passion and enthusiasm for yoga was immediately apparent to me. Savasana never meant as much in my other classes and I yoga-tripped (got high on meditation) once, in his class. If you know of his whereabouts, please let me know.

The artwork, 'Let Hope'

Royal College of Art (Kensington Gore, London, UK)

3-6 November 2006

Metropolitan Pavilion (New York City)

6-8 December 2006

I can't be there for both exhibition. I missed the London show. It was so surreal as I got into bed on the opening day of the London exhibition, knowing that at the other side of the world, someone is looking at the artwork. I miss the artwork already. As I spoke to Damian on the phone while he was standing infront of the work, I wish I was there instead, with Sweetie, just right next to me. It would have made the whole art-making process so complete.

Cancer Lyrics

My Chemical Romance

Cancer Lyrics

Turn away

If you could get me a drink

Of water cause my lips are chapped and faded

Call my aunt marie

Help her gather all my things

And bury me

In all my favorite colors,

My sisters and my brothers, still,

I will not kiss you,

Cause the hardest part of this,

Is leaving you.

Now turn away,

Cause I'm awful just to see

Cause all my hair's abandoned all my body,

All my agony,

Know that I will never marry,

Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo,

But counting down the days to go.

It just ain't living

And I just hope you know,

That if you say, Good-bye today,

I'd ask you to be true,

Cause the hardest part of this, Is leaving you...

Cause the hardest part of this, Is leaving you...

My Chemical Romance - Cancer

What role does music play in your life?

During a band interview, someone asked. At that point, I said, "My i-pod just died on me so I have been rather miserable without it. Running without it, isn't the same. Without music in my ears, it makes busrides, trainrides painful to bear." Sweetie's answer: "Music is the soundtrack of our lives." Brilliant answer!

So here's the soundtracks of my day:

Saxon Shore 's "Be a Bright Blue"

Woven's "Beautiful"

Saxon Shore's "Luck Will Not Save Us From A Jackpot Of Nothing"

The Cure's "To The Sky"

Brookhaven's "Transitive Verses"

The Greenhomes' "Unnatural Habitat"

The Flaming Lips' "SunShip Balloons"

Brookhaven's "Black Phase"

Elkland's "Everytime You Tell Me That You Love Me"

Ryan Han is the recipient of the "Most Compassionate Primary 1 student" award.

Wow.. Schools these days pay attention to values like this, other than the usual focus on academic acheivements. It's amazing!

I could feel his jubilation from my end of the phone.

He has done his grandfather proud. That's for sure.

Compassion, a value that my Dad placed much importance on.

My cancer remission updates

The fear of a relapse has been almost greater than the fear of the original treatments not working. I worry about every little potential symptom, whether real or psychosomatic. Whether paranoid or not, I refuse to take my fever, skin irritation, cold or chest pains lightly. I was freaking out when I went for my second remission scan in late September. To make matter worse, I didn't dare to reveal my emotions to the people around me, for fear of creating unnecessary worries and anxieties.

Khai said it is better to appreciate life and that all of us will die eventually, maybe now, maybe later, maybe ten years down the road. So what's the point of me fearing death? Sigh.. I wish I can be positive after all that had happened. But I am blessed to have survived it to tell my story to all of you who are reading this right now. In the great words of The Wizard, The Wizard of Oz, "There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. True courage is in facing danger when you are afraid. "

Life is slowly returning to normal for me. I am gaining back my stamina to run and do activities, which had been totally impossible for the past 8 months. Though my physical appearances are reversing themselves, my hair is growing; slowly but surely, i'm shedding off my steriod-induced water retention, I look tired. Maybe I am tired, having to battle the illness physically and mentally.

But to my fellow survivors, friends or patients, the only way to heal is to stay positive. It will be hard but having a positive psychological state does help one's physical state. There will be times one will wonder how this happens and start to analyse the shit out of our past. Don't cos I did. It sure did not help. It made it difficult for the people around me to be near me. In the great words of Alice, Alice in Wonderland, "It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then." So..Let's push on together. Stay positive. Spread the sunshine and the love..

PowerJam06/Singapore Music Awards @ Zouk

my sexy bassist.. my camera whore.. he looks darn good from every angle.
Yes. GSE won an award, a recognition for the hard work we all had put in.

The late hours of jamming..

The lost sleep..

The hours spent at the recording studio..

....

....

We are the Favourite Breakout Band.

Old pics-GSE, Baybeats, with sessionist, Terry

Foetus - Time marches on

Awesome video!!

My Chemical Romance-Heaven Help Us

This isn't a video clip but do check this song from their new album, Black Parade. Pure indulgence. Don't analyse, just emo....

Recurring dreams haunted my sleep for 5 consecutive nights in a row.

Financial assistance scheme for those who need it

One of my Primary 1 student's mother came up to me to submit her financial assistance application and insisted that I look through the supporting documents to ensure everything is in order. The eligibility criteria for this assistance scheme is that the family's gross household income does not exceed $1,500.00 a month. I looked at her application. This cute little girl is the youngest in the family and has 3 other siblings.

My heart sank and I could feel a deep ache in my heart when I saw the other supporting documents. Her father was sentenced to 12 years imprisonment last year and is currently serving his sentence at Changi Prison. Her mother saw the look on my face and added, in mixture of Malay and English, that the family is going through a rough time. She has problems maintaining the family with her monthly income of $900. They face terrible social isolation from the stigma involved. $900.00 to ensure life goes on smoothly for a family with 4 mouths to feed?? When I saw the girl in class after the talk with her mother, I so wanted to hold her in my arms. It must be really tough for the mother.

Juan Mann - Hugs

'Free Hugs' touched me. 'Free Hugs' made me cry. 'Free Hugs' is brilliant. I so need the compassionate, warm, loving, comforting human touch in this senseless world, where everyone seems to be in a rush. So don't hestitate. When you see me, come up to me and hug me. It will so make my day and it might make yours too. Here's a big hug to the brilliant guy behind this movement, 'Free Hugs', Mr Juan Mann..

Dior Saddle Bag (2006)

Keeping its traditional saddle shape, yet modern assets in form of a brass key and a medallion. The bag is specially treated to give its vintage feel. Seen on shoulders of namely Lindsay Lohan, Mischa Barton, Sienna Miller, Kate Moss and Heidi Klum. John Galliano is a genius! Must I say more?

Desire at its best...

BVLGARI/BULGARI B Zero ring

Ooohhh.... Sweet!

I see your light, D

Spoke with D on the phone on Monday. It was a 30 minutes overseas call. Talked about my fear of commitment and my doubts on love. All made sense was a website he directed me to.

It is a photo project, 'As long As We Both Shall Live'. It is the work of a photographer who started taking picture portraits of his parents. The photographs only become significant when his father passed away. The photo journal celebrates love and examines assumptions about marriage, intimacy, family, gender roles, and the evolution of cultural and generational values.

The photo journal consists of photos and interviews of couples who are still very much in love, after more than 40 years of marriage. Here's what touched me and made me shed some fear and doubts:

.The definition of real love.

Real love is...
Erma: Stable.
Fulton: Not holding grudges. For one thing. To stand by your partner no matter what they do, and caring for them. No matter what happens.
Del: I want her to be happy, I'm more concerned that she's happy, or that she's doing what she wants, you know, and she feels exactly the same way. Neither of us are selfish in any respect, when it comes to that. And I think that's been a real key.

.When you don't see eye to eye.
Odile: When you put the blame or something to someone, then you remove yourself, you distance yourself from that person. And that creates a wall, and a lack of communication. And after a while, when people are unable to communicate, either they split, or they go their own way.
Jack: Sometimes I think love needs to have a challenge to make it or break it. I think that many of the arguments are casual bits of offended vanity; but deeper love come at the deeper trials. I think Dorothy’s cancer has caused me to try to overlook my shortcomings, which I have many of, and it looks like I’m having a losing battle with it; and I keep remembering how dearly I love her, and how trivial my objections are. And I usually am a little late at realizing this and I have to come back and give her a kiss or something like that to try and get back among her good graces.
Phyllis: I think one of the main things that keeps us from quarrelling is that we never -- or 90% never -- blame the other person for something that has happened. I mean, if you make a mistake, so you made a mistake, that's all.
Leonard: We all make mistakes.
Harold: It’s funny, you know. Over the years, I’ve always felt it wasn’t really “healthy” that we didn’t argue fairly often. ‘Cause arguing at least means dialogue, and we hadn’t had that many dialogues.
Marcus: Each of us – I think each of us has a fairly keen sense of what the other’s boundaries are, and as you approach those, you know, the force field builds, and you back off, or you ease back in that sense.

Thanks, D. I see your light.

Tele-Conversation with M

Sunday ended with me, sitting all alone infront of my brand-new TV, ironically a gift from him. I would exchange the TV anytime for one more minute with him. The skies grew dark. I sat in the living room, in darkness and in silence. I needed a change so I picked up my phone and messaged M. M called and here is the gist of our tele-conversation:

___________________________________________________________________
M: What happened?
Me: I don't know anymore.
M: I can talk to you but you must promise me one thing.
Me: Ok... and what is that?
M: You cannot cry. If you are going to cry, I'm going to hang up the phone.
Me: Ok.. Don't worry. I won't.
M: So what happened this time? I thought you guys were fine after the episode last week.
Me: I thought so too. Thursday was good. Friday was fine. Saturday was great. And then came Sunday... ... ... I should have just done what I had set out to do... ... ...

.

.

.

.

.

.

M: Men have egos and they hate to know that they are unable to provide for the person they love or carry out duties or things on their own. Men approach problems in a very different manner, as copmpared to women. For men, solving a problem presents an opportunity to demonstrate their competence and their strength of resolve. And when faced with a sore ego, they naturally react with a defence, which they are not even aware of. It is very natural.
Me: But the last thing I wanna do is to hurt his ego. Doing something or anything for the person you love is natural too.
M: Do whatever you wanna do but don't comment on it. Don't talk about the process. Just do it and shut up. He's probably already feeling bad about having you do his work and when you told him that you might be the one doing all his work in the end, that hurt his ego.
Me: But I meant well. I will do all his work, if the need arises. No questions asked. No complaints. I am more than happy that I can be of any help to reduce his workload or stress.
.. ... ...

.

.

.

.

M: Give him a night. Let him chill. Let him watch his porn. Let him sleep. He will be fine in the morning. Message him tomorrow and when he's ready to talk, call him. Go in with the mindset that you want to work things out with him and that you guys will be together forever and ever and ever. Your tone will follow suit.

___________________________________________________________________
I did feel so much better, after speaking to M. I sat infront of my brand-new TV and thought about the day-long unresolved conflict. I did not follow exactly what M asked me to do but I did what I did, with THE mindset. All I got was, "I don't know where's my threshold. What if it happens again?" ... ... ...

My conclusion:
Maybe it's like what Ginette believes. We are all fragments in the universe whom were once stars. For every star, there is a twin mate out there. For me, a soulmate is a person who shares our sense of life, which comes the creation of a private and parallel universe out of our sense of individuality, our differences and similarities. This universe is when we share silent understandings, unspoken words, humorous signals, and focused glances.

My last note to K:
I reflect on our conversation on the need for protocols, even in a relationship. I said it was to create a certain order within chaos. You know, I write better than I speak, here's something for you:
Love is a sanctuary. Sometimes love is the only point of certainty, and the only thing that is solid and real in the midst of chaos and ambiguity. In that sense, love is THE protocol for the many areas in our lives.

You are my black star

Black
Black is the color of the primal void from which comes all Creation.
Black is the color of rest where I empty my mind and spirit.
Star

You are my rock star. You are my glittery star.

The Star symbolizes inspiration towards my perfection of self.

The Star symbolizes the penultimate or supremity of the divine.

The Star is an extremity of light and perfection.

The five-point Star bears the natural figure of man.

The Star symbolizes hope and guidance.

The Star symbolizes eternity.

The Star is pre-eminently the symbol of Venus, the goddess of love.

.jaded needs love.

needs love jaded

love needs jaded?

needs jaded love

love, jaded needs!

.jaded is my new name.

Went to the opening of this month-long exhbition, showcasing work of 7 artists, illustrators and designers. At City gallery@Basheer Graphics Books, Level 4 Bras Basah Complex. Unconventional medium and amazing graphics. Go down if you have the time and show them brothers some love. ;) Exhibition is on till the 30th October.

MSN with M

M: Oi! rested well?
Me: K and I had a tiff.
M: dang.. u do know he cares for you a lot rite? cos its true... he keeps telling us how much he loves u. a few of us close mates that is.
Me: he did??
M: he tells me abt his feelings for ya
Me:You are making me cry. I was depressed the whole nite. he thinks I seek perfection and that nothing is good enough for me.
M: dun be silly. ultimately he cares alot for u and i know that he will feel SHITE as hell if he cant acheive what u want
Me: He thinks i shld get a third neutral party to talk abt the issue, which i find totally unnnecessary
M: i figured man and woman are forever gonna be different and we view things differently... threshold very very different as well. so sometimes we just need to move on and not be affected.. cos the core reasons for thge arguments are usually driven by the desire to make things better
Me: We came to that same conclusion too.
M: and a third party HELPS. it IS NECESSARY. we are too consumed into out own selfish tots and needs more often than not, we forget whats really important. im not saying the 3rd opinion will be always rite. but more often than not u'll find insights that'll help. it makes you wonder if you're right all the time or you just choose to skew the scenario and read the situation in a way that makes you the one that's right all da time...
Me: true that but wont it be a third different opinion?
M: u need to learn how to slowly open yourself up. so doesn't it help when you open up sometimes? and how it is something that you can feel vulnerable abt? Am i gonna have a different perception abt u now? Hell no. Am i thinking u're some problem child and dun wanna have anything to do with u again? Quite the contrary really, cos the next time I see u i know i can talk to u at a different level cos i understand you more now...

....

....

M: now go kiss and makeup with that wuss... that magic shithead.

....

....

soul mates

Do you believe in soul mates?

Someone whom you have a soul connection?

I do.

Someone whom you have aligned goals and values. It doesn’t have to be identical but at least compromised to be aligned.

Do you believe in magick?

Editors - Munich (video)

Moving Units

I like Moving Units. I never look back since I first listened to them. Very dancey. Brilliant tunes..

Cansei de Ser Sexy - Alala

abit of 'Peaches', abit of 'Ladytron'. Infectious tunes, electro sounds I like. But they really need to work on their style-wise.

hellogoodbye's 'Here In Your Arms'

i like where we are

when we drive in your car

i like where we are

here

cause our lips can touch

and our cheeks can brush

our lips can touch

here

i like where you sleep

when you sleep next to me

i like where you sleep

here

where you are the one, the one that lies close to me

whispers, "hello, i've missed you quite terribly"

i fell in love, in love with you suddenly

now theres no place else i can be but here in your arms

It is the kinda song I will break into a skip even I had a long, shitty day. It is the kinda song that makes dancing in the rain awesome again, just like the way I used to, when I was a little girl. It is the kinda song you realised you found love and am still loving it. =) It's that warm, fuzzy feeling...

Are you a believer?

Tarot readings. Something that has been a daily bedtime ritual for the past weeks. I am the Queen of Wands. Different decks of tarot cards for different occasions. I am much comfortable with the Rider Waite Tarot, which is the most widely recognized Tarot deck, and the first deck published in the 20th century. It was created by members of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, and is especially suited to questions of a mystical nature. Mystic or not.. I have to bear in mind: everything in moderation.

My first Tarot reading was done in London at a small shop I chanced upon, along Portobello Market. She read some happenings which I couldn't verify because I was not in Singapore. I listened and I left. Now, I own my very own deck. Sometimes, readings are good and I am elated by the good interpretations and when it is bad, it bothers me. I do wonder if ignorance is the best. Tarot readings, if read in the mornings, forecast the happenings in the day ahead and if it is read in the night, it sums up what happened during the day. I do ask myself if I really wanted to know so much.

I need a hobby.

I need a hobby.

Surfing..

I need a hobby.

Surfing..

I need a hobby.

I need a hobby.

I miss surfing.

GSE at Timbre

our first KL gig

GSE's very first out-of-Singapore gig. Come down if you may. 7 October 2006.

surfing the Bali wave photo seriesn(6-10 Sept 2006)- part 4

surfing the Bali wave photo seriesn(6-10 Sept 2006)- part 3

Now we are talking.. Finally hitting the waves and surfing...