I see your light, D

Spoke with D on the phone on Monday. It was a 30 minutes overseas call. Talked about my fear of commitment and my doubts on love. All made sense was a website he directed me to.

It is a photo project, 'As long As We Both Shall Live'. It is the work of a photographer who started taking picture portraits of his parents. The photographs only become significant when his father passed away. The photo journal celebrates love and examines assumptions about marriage, intimacy, family, gender roles, and the evolution of cultural and generational values.

The photo journal consists of photos and interviews of couples who are still very much in love, after more than 40 years of marriage. Here's what touched me and made me shed some fear and doubts:

.The definition of real love.

Real love is...
Erma: Stable.
Fulton: Not holding grudges. For one thing. To stand by your partner no matter what they do, and caring for them. No matter what happens.
Del: I want her to be happy, I'm more concerned that she's happy, or that she's doing what she wants, you know, and she feels exactly the same way. Neither of us are selfish in any respect, when it comes to that. And I think that's been a real key.

.When you don't see eye to eye.
Odile: When you put the blame or something to someone, then you remove yourself, you distance yourself from that person. And that creates a wall, and a lack of communication. And after a while, when people are unable to communicate, either they split, or they go their own way.
Jack: Sometimes I think love needs to have a challenge to make it or break it. I think that many of the arguments are casual bits of offended vanity; but deeper love come at the deeper trials. I think Dorothy’s cancer has caused me to try to overlook my shortcomings, which I have many of, and it looks like I’m having a losing battle with it; and I keep remembering how dearly I love her, and how trivial my objections are. And I usually am a little late at realizing this and I have to come back and give her a kiss or something like that to try and get back among her good graces.
Phyllis: I think one of the main things that keeps us from quarrelling is that we never -- or 90% never -- blame the other person for something that has happened. I mean, if you make a mistake, so you made a mistake, that's all.
Leonard: We all make mistakes.
Harold: It’s funny, you know. Over the years, I’ve always felt it wasn’t really “healthy” that we didn’t argue fairly often. ‘Cause arguing at least means dialogue, and we hadn’t had that many dialogues.
Marcus: Each of us – I think each of us has a fairly keen sense of what the other’s boundaries are, and as you approach those, you know, the force field builds, and you back off, or you ease back in that sense.

Thanks, D. I see your light.