las vegas (donald) 

little india: the most delicious naan in town (khai)

Stumbled upon this store in Little India which sells the most amazingly delicious naan which I believe to be the best in Singapore, in terms of service, taste and price.. Haven't had just a good and satisfying meal for a long time now...

km8 (mike) 

ooohh.. That pair of Ray Bans.. I must have.. 

we cant tell wats REAL anymore... 

TTSH-16Jan2005

“im sick of trying to convince people that all i am and all i want to do is to be sincere and good in my actions and to possibly make them TRUST me enough to BELIEVE me. that i am for real ...well i guess everyone has got a limit and yup tonite i've had it.i've come to realise and accept the fact all this talk of normalities and fighting the norm and how ideals/utopia is really just all a pile of useless bullshit because tonight all that i thought i was just proves it so wrong and that im nothing but a pile of bullshit ...all thanks to tonight ....they say that all a person has is his pride and principles...well then consequences of your actions has just made me nothing not even close to a beating scum. i have no more words to express that hurt and anger that has been caused not by you but through your actions that boils down to me...the
reasons behind those actions. in short, firstly i have had it with all of this hopes and dreams because all that it has ever done for the me is nothing but hurt, humiliation and self doubt. and i think at the end of the day im still unhappy as it is for you as well. i've been mind fucked enough (intentionally or not) ...as it is i have enough physical problems and the last thing i need is to lose my mind....which evidently it seems to be on the brink of it....i really thought of you as the one person to never do this to themselves and it was for your strength and love that i've come to admire, repect and love so dearly but only to be shoved with an undenied glory of the truth… with all of my final sincerity of my beating heart i wish you well and all that is yours deservingly “-16January2005

The above are excepts of the email I got when I was discharged from TTSH for Overdose of 47 pills and was officially diagnosed with panic disorders. Sweetie gave up on me.. When I needed him the most.. when I’m at the most vulnerable.. I can’t believe Im still here… If you are reading this when you are not supposed to and trying to dig information about me or even Sweetie, BITCH.. think twice.. And if you think you are losing your sanity.. think again. Cos.. u don’t know what it is like to be me.. caught INBETWEEN… And the truth might hurt you.. I suggest u stick to the reassurances, in every sense of the word, that you have always been offered...

my chemical romance

Things are better if i stay...............

My Chemical Romance - "Helena"

long ago

just like a hearse you die to get in again

we are so far from you

burning on just like a match you slide to incinerate

the lives of everyone you knew

and whats the worst to take?

from every heart you break

and like the blade you stain

well i've been holding on tonight

whats the worst that i can say?

things are better if i stay

so long and goodnight

so long not goodnight

came a time when every star fall brought you to tears again

we are the very hurt you sold

and whats the worst to take?

from every heart you break

and like the blade you stain

well i've been holding on tonight

whats the worst that i can say?

things are better if i stay

so long and goodnight

so long not goodnight

and if you carry on this way

things are better if i stay

so long and goodnight

so long not goodnight

can you hear me?

are you near me?

can we pretend

to leave and then

we'll meet again

when both our cars collide

whats the worst that i can say?

things are better if i stayso long and goodnight

so long not goodnight

and if you carry on this way

things are better if i stay

so long and goodnight

so long not goodnight

keyboard-k&m(so close to one another)

Sentiments of Video room-NIE

Freudian Theory on Defence Mechanism

Freud, the father of psychoanalysis... Moi, the mother of defence mechanism.. I have been told time and time again that I tend to be defensive, cynical, skeptical of people.. It is true that I find it very hard to trust people, as much as I would love to.. Defense mechanisms are unconscious, meaning that we are not consciously aware of their operation. They are also individualized, meaning that different people use different sets of them. Based on the list of Freudian's constructs of denfence mechanism, I would probably be suffering from...

::Rationalization
Rationalization is thinking that one's motives are not always pure or publicly acceptable and substituting appropriate motives. A pure simple gesture of kindness can be interpreted as a evil plot of death..Sigh. Wouldn't it be simple just to see things as they are and quit worrying??

::Reaction formation
Reaction formation is showing the exact opposite of one's true motivation or intentions, mostly unconsciously. So.. saying "I hate you" may indicate love instead.. Or, believing that you love to teach may be necessary after you have spent years preparing and then found out that the only job you could obtain was in a inflexible school with horrible students. The choice is to ultimately admit your wasted time and energy preparing for such a job or to believe that you might enjoy it for the next 5 years (isn't denial, which is failing to recognize obvious implications or consequences of a thought, act, or situation, another construct of defence mechanism?? hmm....)

::Regression
Regression occurs when the coping behaviors of an earlier developmental stage reappear. For example, crying or throwing a tantrum may be used to cope with a stressful event. It is acceptable when we are a kid but not now..we will be seen as unstable or violent..

my exploration with FreehandMX:almostopia series 2 

my exploration with FreehandMX:almostopia series 1 

talking about death

Death is steeped in taboos. Death is celebrated, embraced or feared. For those who embrace death, they specify their time of no returns. No one really knows why people commit suicide and perhaps the person least aware is the victim at the moment of the decision to specify that point of no returns. Methods range from drowning, hypothermia, jumping, chemically-induced ones and cutting of throats to wrists. People usually attempt suicide to block unbearable emotional pain, which is caused by a wide variety of problems. It is often a cry for help. Most suicidal people give warning signs in the hope that they will be rescued, because they are intent is on stopping their emotional pain, not on dying. Warning signs are given, consciously or unconsciously, indicating that help is needed and often in the hope that they will be rescued. Warning signs are apparent:

• Showing signs of sadness, hopelessness, irritability.
• Changes in appetite, behavior, level of activity or sleep patterns.
• Making negative comments about self.
• Recurring suicidal thoughts or fantasies.
  Sudden change from extreme depression to being `at peace' (may indicate that they have decided to attempt suicide).
• Talking, Writing or Hinting about suicide.
• Previous attempts.
• Purposefully putting personal affairs in order

Death may be considered either as the end of existence or as a transition to another state of being or consciousness. Cultures can be death-accepting, death-denying or even death- defying. To the Roman Catholics, death is the complete and final separation of the soul from the body. Some Orthodox Jews, Native Americans, Muslims and fundamentalist Christians believe that as long as a heart is beating--even artificially, one is still alive.

Thesaurus of death

die, expire, perish; meet one's death; pass away, be taken; yield one's breath, resign one's breath; resign one's being, resign one's life; end one's days, end one's life, ; cease to live, cease to breathe; depart this life; lose one's life, lay down one's life, surrender one's life; drop into the grave, sink into the grave; close one's eyes; drop dead; be all over with one, take one's last sleep; turn to dust; come to an untimely end; catch one's death; go off the hooks, kick the bucket, die a violent death.

my ramblings..

:Nocturnal Secrets

Beautiful must be the day
Desire must be the illicit fruit in the night
Where are those stars as I wander in the valley of forbidden dreams
Among the flowers
That heavenly feeling

Barren will be the coming to reality
Haunting will be our forbidden hopes
Where is the voice of desire that calls out to us
Our yearning visions dim

Alone and lost in the raptured ignorance
We spend our dark nocturnal secrets
As night is withdrawn
Our infinite dreams of the night
Dies with the cold vacant morning

spirals(exploring with spray cans)-2003 

:Cube Art

:my cube art (inspired by gallery evason)-2002

Inspiration:

• Gallery Evason
• Georgia O' Keefe's Night, New York, 1927 (Oil on canvas)

With an architectural drafting background, I have always been fascinated by lines (simple organic lines). O'Keefe's work has caught my attention because of its clean lines and simple forms. Singapore's Gallery Evason played a great part in me, coming up with this work.. The coloured irregular sized rectangular windows of of the three primary colours (red, yellow and blue) contrast its cold grey structure. I played around with the different media of art to come up with the 6 different sides of this cube art; ranging from poster colours to collage.

The lines in my work comes from my fascination with Yaacov Agam's work. Agam is one of the pioneer creators of kinetic movement in art, who deals with concepts like the 4th dimensions, simultaneity and time in visual, plastic arts by combining art theory with literatue and music.

Jackson Pollock

"pollock", the movie

Watched the movie, "Pollock" with Sweetie on Friday. The movie showed how Pollock struggled with self-doubt, engaging in a lonely tug-of-war between needing to express himself and wanting to shut the world out. The Surrealists, with their theories about spontaneous creativity and art arising in dreams and the unconscious mind, had a powerful impact on those who, like Pollock, were struggling to develop an original style. Pollock's need for approval drove him to make art that had never been made before. But his toughest critic was himself and he fought fiercely to be true to himself. Pollock fused structure and spontaneity, discipline and freedom to create a unique form of expression that perfectly captures the energy of its era. Can't deny that Ed Harris did a brillaint job, protraying Pollock in the movie.

I love the part in the movie where Pollock was videotaped from below while painting through a sheet of glass. The scene had him seen against the blue skies, pouring elegant black lines on the glass sheet as his face started obscuring behind a dense web of lines.. The other one will be the one where a woman interviewed him and asked him how he knew when a poured painting was finished and his brilliant answer was by posing a question back at her and asked how she knew when sex was over.

The movie really stands up for the saying that "behind every succesful man, there is a woman". I admire Lee Krasner, Pollock's wife, who was also a practicising artist. I admire her efforts at promoting her husband's career and how that effort stymied her own growth as an artist. Marcia Gay Harden, who played Lee Krasner says that "if Pollock and his wife hadn't been together, Pollock never would have become world famous and Lee wouldn't have pushed herself to the artistic limits she did. As soon as they split apart, one of them was bound to destruct", which drove Pollock to kill himself at the end.

Sweetie and I feel so much for the movie and apparently, sweetie woke up feeling "Pollock" the next morining.. The movie really makes one wonder if artists really have to go through so much before been recognised for their efforts and talents.. If we are able to apply the concepts in the movie to the present time, my sweetie' s two cents' worth: "If you express your art yet people do not understand.. i guess being a Singaporean artist, it is practicality before art.. function before form than vice versa"....

class pic at the goat's farm

A visit to the only goat's farm in Singapore, Hay's Diaries proves to be an enriching one.. For a lactose-intolerant like myself, it is interesting to know that goat's milk contains less lactose than any other milk from domestic livestock. We were given a tour and talk on how the goats are milked. The goats there are milked once a day and per milking machine can milk 10-15 goats at a time.. though the smell can be alittle unbearable at times.. I bought 6 bottles back with me after been convinced about the beneficial effects of goat's milk. The most awesome part is that they come in chocolate flavours for those who find the original goat's milk taste to be wee.. bit overpowering.. Sweetie, if you are reading this.. you still have one more bottle to go in the fridge..

the new lomographic fisheye camera

i want the new lomographic fisheye camera.. Lomography.com has just announced their new Lomo Fisheye that looks really cute and creates 170 degree images on normal 35mm film.Its brilliant, with images captured and stretched out in a ball. Can't wait to get my hands on it. And oh by the way, my sweetie got me a lomographic action sampler for my birthday, which creates 4 pictures on one frame. Yup.. Thanks, sweetie.. I love it..

SABOTAGE(D) w Khai 

Exploring Araki's "Dead Or Alive" 

Andrée Weschler - Faces of Monopolis (Substation)

A performance artist by nature. However, due to restrictions, she did not get to perform at Substation.

taken on April's Fool 

Cheng Guang Feng's work (Faces of Monopolis) @ Substation

Cheng Guang Feng, artist from China.. His work comprises of print, video installation and performance..

SBTG

paranomic view of SABOTAGE(D) exhibition

Held at the Singapore Tyler Print Institute, this exhibition featuring SBTG is in conjunction with the Singapore Fashion Festival. The exhibits of posters, pics, t-shirts and not forgetting Nike shoes, all expressions of a fusion of creativity and street culture. Out of the few customised Nikes exhibited, I love the SBTGSNKS-BLIZZARD for its clean lines and New York skycrapper silhouettes. The other design which has a similar concept is the SBTG X ADFUNTURE-BOULEVARD, which is a joint effort by SBTG and adFunture Workshop... This design comes with slotches of paint on the shoes, very "Pollock".. The brain child behind the design of the customised Nikes is designer Mark Ong. And as with many events of the same nature, the night was filled with many beautiful people from the creative and media industries..

SABOTAGE(D)-29march'05 

Araki's art exhibition at NAFA

To Nobuyoshi Araki, photography is love and death. I am intrigued by his portrayal of life and death and how simple subjects in daily life was given a perpsective that we somehow neglect. Visiting his exhibition, which is the ultimate retrospective collection of his work, is like taking a journey, appreciating the intricate details of life and embracing death in a new perspective. Araki’s photographs mirror the reality of life and the world we live in. They are so real that they scare people..