Received the results of my CT scan last Thursday. Doctor said my recovery is looking up and it is confirmed that I will only have to undergo 4 cycles of chemo rather than the initial 6 cycles. I have just started on my 3rd cycle on Friday. My patience wears thin really fast nowadays. The 4 hour treatment seems to last forever.
Last Friday, as I lay in the ward, I looked around me. There were people just like me, enslaved to the equipment and drips. I tried to keep my mind off by playing with my PSP and listening to my IPod. As I listened to Massive Attack's "Live with me", I started feeling sorry for the people around me. All of us, here in the ward, could be out there doing something worthwhile than lying here. I tried to sleep but I couldn't as the haunting smell of plastic tubes filled my lungs, to the point I really felt like puking. I kept chanting, "My mind is the most powerful thing. It is and I defy whatever sensation the treatment is trying to conjure in me right now."
I am left with 3 more chemo treatments and followed by a month of radiotherapy. I must and I will live through this..
Monday, April 24, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
the legendary Hafidz, stomping ground
hafidz-the legend
GSE played one of our best gigs at Gashaus recently. We got the crowd dancing and we had people going "Great Spy....". It was a night to remember because GSE shared the same stage with the Stoned Revivals. Was actually secretly hoping that they will play my favourite song, 'Loose Boogie' but they didn't. Nevertheless, it was good to be able to see them play again.
Met Hafidz there. Yes, the legendary Hafidz from Stomping Ground. And yes.. this guy kicked ass in the whole local band scene since I was in school. People can just go on and on talking about his stage antics: his rage and his gravity-defying moves on stage were just out of this world. Haven't seen him for a while. This guy is funny as hell and just so full of energy, like a Ribena Berry.. Heheh.. It is good to see him again, knowing that he is happy and well..
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
CT Scan
I will be going for my re-staging CT Scan tomorrow afternoon. I am anxious. So far, I have gone through 4 chemo treatments already. The last one I did was on Friday. This re-staging scan will determine if I need another 4 or 8 more treatments. Time seems to pass so slowly right now. Yet, everyone around me are just rushing by.
Once again, I have reached a point where the treatments are taking a toll on me; mentally, physically and psychologically. I am afraid of another needle to be inserted into my skin. I am afraid of sitting at the chemo ward for 4 hours, with the stench of plastic tubes in the air.
Once again, I have reached a point where the treatments are taking a toll on me; mentally, physically and psychologically. I am afraid of another needle to be inserted into my skin. I am afraid of sitting at the chemo ward for 4 hours, with the stench of plastic tubes in the air.
the new member to the Han family
Baby Royce
Another March baby in the family. Now there are 3 March babies: me and my 2 nephews, Ryan and Royce. My sister-in-law, Pauline, gave birth to Royce on 30th March 2006. Babies are such joy..
our first shaver
The plan was simple. Went to Mustafa, bought a shaver and spent the evening, shaving our heads. There was apprehension. To do it or not to do it.. After much consideration, I realised all my hair will have to go. It is just a matter of time. If not now, then when? It was quite an experience. We started with the Number 3 blade and I went on and tried it on my own, with the Number 2 blade. It was uncomfortable. I did not go all the way cos Khai thinks I should leave the fringe, not that there is much of a fringe left. Mummy was overwhelmed with the punk image initially and so are the people at the hospital. This experience makes me wanna sing to Star's song.. "This scar is like a fleck on my porcelain skin".. Love to say it's a liberating moment but it did left a scar within me.
lazy sunday afternoon-16 frames
Playing around with my new Nikon camera, with its 16-frame continuous shot feature. These images of him makes me smile. Lazy weekends are spent indoors nowadays, with me at the PS2, playing The Sims 2. I miss the sun, the pool and all the outdoor fun.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
My birthday Journal - 25 March 2006
0000-0130 hrs
I blew the candles on my mango ice-cream cake at 12midnight sharp, at the entrance of Beat Merchants. The guys (Fandy, Saiful, Song and Khai) realised that I couldn’t cut my cake because no knife was provided. So we decided to head down to Mosi Café, situated at the nearby Haji Lane. The boys had their Coke Floats and I had my mint tea. We managed to cut the cake there and the cake was yummy. We had to go back early cos Khai had soccer in the morning and Song was going to a Kelong for the weekends.
0200-0930
Headed back to Sweetie’s place and crashed. He left early in the morning for soccer. I am a light sleeper and I couldn’t continue sleeping after he left. So I decided to make myself busy by helping him clean up his room.
1230-1630
Met up with Sweetie, Dino and Bert for lunch at Tampines Mall. Walked around the mall abit. Got bored and we headed to Bert’s new place. All of us were just awed by his bathroom. I think it looks better than a lot of hotel toilets I have been to.
2000
We went longboarding cos I wanted to try out the longboard he bought me for my birthday. My longboard is black with Dogtown wheels. I love it. My trucks were too loose though. He insisted that I wear my wrist guards. First of all, for safety reasons and secondly, due to my chemo treatments, I am not supposed to suffer any cuts at all. I think I should just pad my whole body.. Heheh..
2100
Headed to Dino’s place cos Khai said Dino prepared dinner for me. When I got there, I realised something was amiss. I saw Bert’s shoes and many other shoes but Dino said he was alone. Got into the house. Everyone (Bert, Mike, Leigh, Saiful, Yasmeen and Herman) jumped out from the balcony and shouted “Surprise!! Happy Birthday!!” I was lost for words. I really did not want a surprise birthday party of any sort. I really did not want them to see me without my hair. But everyone was really sweet.
2200-0200
I cut my second birthday cake and yes, it was also from Swenson’s. Khai did not have soccer at all. He got out of the house early to meet up with Dino to get my presents and the birthday cake. Everyone was really co-operative, first was helping me keep the birthday dinner I planned for Khai a secret and then helping Khai keep this birthday party a secret. I opened my presents. My first present: Khai bought me a Black PSP. My second present: Khai bought me a Black Nikon digital camera. I was busy taking pictures of everyone, using the camera in my phone when he asked me to open my presents. My third present. Dino and Azuko bought me a PSP game, ‘Death Jr.” They bought Khai a belated birthday present too: a PSP game, “Need for Speed”. I love every single one of my presents, especially the ones Sweetie bought. Now, Sweetie and I can share our PSP games and I can take more pictures of everyone. Yeay! Give me some time and I will upload the pictures I have taken in my stylish, all-so-portable NEW camera soon…
I blew the candles on my mango ice-cream cake at 12midnight sharp, at the entrance of Beat Merchants. The guys (Fandy, Saiful, Song and Khai) realised that I couldn’t cut my cake because no knife was provided. So we decided to head down to Mosi Café, situated at the nearby Haji Lane. The boys had their Coke Floats and I had my mint tea. We managed to cut the cake there and the cake was yummy. We had to go back early cos Khai had soccer in the morning and Song was going to a Kelong for the weekends.
0200-0930
Headed back to Sweetie’s place and crashed. He left early in the morning for soccer. I am a light sleeper and I couldn’t continue sleeping after he left. So I decided to make myself busy by helping him clean up his room.
1230-1630
Met up with Sweetie, Dino and Bert for lunch at Tampines Mall. Walked around the mall abit. Got bored and we headed to Bert’s new place. All of us were just awed by his bathroom. I think it looks better than a lot of hotel toilets I have been to.
2000
We went longboarding cos I wanted to try out the longboard he bought me for my birthday. My longboard is black with Dogtown wheels. I love it. My trucks were too loose though. He insisted that I wear my wrist guards. First of all, for safety reasons and secondly, due to my chemo treatments, I am not supposed to suffer any cuts at all. I think I should just pad my whole body.. Heheh..
2100
Headed to Dino’s place cos Khai said Dino prepared dinner for me. When I got there, I realised something was amiss. I saw Bert’s shoes and many other shoes but Dino said he was alone. Got into the house. Everyone (Bert, Mike, Leigh, Saiful, Yasmeen and Herman) jumped out from the balcony and shouted “Surprise!! Happy Birthday!!” I was lost for words. I really did not want a surprise birthday party of any sort. I really did not want them to see me without my hair. But everyone was really sweet.
2200-0200
I cut my second birthday cake and yes, it was also from Swenson’s. Khai did not have soccer at all. He got out of the house early to meet up with Dino to get my presents and the birthday cake. Everyone was really co-operative, first was helping me keep the birthday dinner I planned for Khai a secret and then helping Khai keep this birthday party a secret. I opened my presents. My first present: Khai bought me a Black PSP. My second present: Khai bought me a Black Nikon digital camera. I was busy taking pictures of everyone, using the camera in my phone when he asked me to open my presents. My third present. Dino and Azuko bought me a PSP game, ‘Death Jr.” They bought Khai a belated birthday present too: a PSP game, “Need for Speed”. I love every single one of my presents, especially the ones Sweetie bought. Now, Sweetie and I can share our PSP games and I can take more pictures of everyone. Yeay! Give me some time and I will upload the pictures I have taken in my stylish, all-so-portable NEW camera soon…
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